worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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