Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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