I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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