just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
These tits shall not be calmed
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
