Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
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Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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