i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
