my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
