Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.