Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void