I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..