I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...