it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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