Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.