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i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
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