They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.