They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
