Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
