and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't deserve a penis
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i think my cat just said my name.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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