I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
