..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am available for nakedness
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
