FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
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My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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