Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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