ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
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I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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