You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
