I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
