forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
