i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
