I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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