It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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