I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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