Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
