Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
