I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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