4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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