how can u be prego again
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
