Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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