we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
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One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.