I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?