i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
