Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize