The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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