He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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