walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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