i just google imaged poop.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
