the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
