my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
