This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
