yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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