im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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