Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
