i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
