where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
