Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
