i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
