You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
