I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
