I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
