I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
