Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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