Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
