He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
