my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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