walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
