i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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