dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
