i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
