Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
