thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
