I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
