I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize