So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
