did you get engaged???
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
