It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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