Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
