does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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