Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
